


For every bad, there is a good.

by lydiamxrtin



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Merlin and Arthur talk about magic, Merthur - Freeform, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26647927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lydiamxrtin/pseuds/lydiamxrtin
Summary: After Lancelot's death, Merlin begins to doubt is any good can come from magic. On the advice from Gaius, he goes to speak to Arthur who has surprising words of wisdom for Merlin, changing his perspective on magic as a whole.
Relationships: Mentioned Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 76





	For every bad, there is a good.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bellamyblakru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamyblakru/gifts).



> So, first of all, a BIG thank you to @bellamyblakru for this idea, and for letting me write a little one-shot based on her Tumblr post which I will link here  based off this   
> I really enjoyed looking at how Merlin viewed his magic and how Arthur viewed magic, so I hope you guys enjoy this fic as much as I did writing it!
> 
> -AJ

Merlin looked up at the ceiling, his eyes fixated on a small smudge of dirt on the roof above. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been awake, a few minutes, maybe a few hours, he wasn’t sure. Every time Merlin closed his eyes to rest, he’d see him; Lancelot on the wooden boat, drifting out to sea. Merlin kept his eyes on the mark on the ceiling, unable to move from the bed. It had been around a week since Lancelot had returned, Merlin shook his head, _It wasn’t Lancelot_. It had been some warped version of his friend, crafted by the twisted hand of Morgana’s dark magic. Merlin used to believe there was dark magic and light magic, good magic and bad, but now…Merlin sighed. _What if it was just bad?_ He had never believed it, he always believed magic was born of the earth, was pure and those of evil bent it to their will, tainted it and used it for wrong.

Merlin had spent most of the night trying to ignore that thought, but every time he believed the thought was gone Merlin would be reminded of all the bad magic had done, of all the pain and agony It had caused in his life. He’d try to think of the good it had done, every spell and enchantment he and Gaius had used to save peoples lives, but then he’d be reminded of what caused the people to need saving in the first place; _magic._

Merlin pushed himself up in the bed, slowly swinging his legs over his bed. After slowly getting dressed, Merlin pushed open the wooden door to see Gaius sat at the table reading a book. He looked over his glasses as he spoke to Merlin.

“You’re awake,” He said, placing his book down.

Merlin just nodded, looking around the room, “You need any help?” Merlin asked, needing to occupy his mind with something that wasn’t his thoughts. 

“No, things are rather quiet today, I’ll be fine.” He said. Since bringing the shadow version of Lancelot back, Morgana had been quiet. Merlin would be happy if he didn’t know that meant she was planning something significant.

“What about Arthur?” Merlin asked. Gaius just shook his head, carefully pulling his glasses off and putting them on the table.

If Morgana had been quiet since Lancelot, Arthur had been silent. In the week since Gwen had been banished Arthur had barely left his room besides having to sit in court and attend mandatory meetings. He hadn’t gone hunting; he hadn’t ordered Merlin to do pointless task just so they could speak and spend the day out of the castle. His heartbreak over Gwen and Lancelot’s actions was clear for everyone to see. Merlin knew that Morgana must have played a part in Gwen’s actions, he had known her for years and no part of him believed she would willingly betray Arthur. He didn’t know how she did it; a spell maybe, an enchanted object, he wasn’t sure; _more magic causing betrayal and pain._

“Maybe you should go to see him?” Gaius said. Ordinarily, Merlin wouldn't have needed to been asked, he would have just gone. He’d force Arthur to go hunting or offer him some words of wisdom; not that Arthur would admit it was wisdom. Merlin looked down at the ground, but he couldn’t. Arthur had no idea what had happened, that it wasn’t Lancelot, or that something had been done to Gwen. Gaius sighed from his seat, “I know you want to tell him, Merlin.” He said, almost like he was reading the warlocks mind.

Merlin walked over to Gaius, his arms thrown out to the side, “He deserves to know that wasn’t Lancelot, that his friend didn’t betray him,” In the time that Merlin had known Arthur, he’s seen the young king suffer more betray then most; Morgana, Uther in a way, Agravaine, even if he didn’t know it yet, now Gwen and Lancelot even if it wasn’t their doing. Arthur deserved to know his fiancé and one of his closet’s confidants hadn’t betrayed him.

Merlin slowly shook his head, ducking his head for a moment, “Lancelot deserves it too,” Merlin felt his chest ache for his friend, one of the only people who knew who he was, _what he was,_ he deserved to be remembered as the brave and trusted knight he was, not what Morgana had turned him into.

“I know he meant a lot to you, and I know this is hard, but you can’t-“

Merlin turned from Gaius, “I know.” He said, letting out a long breath.

Arthur could never know about his magic. While Arthurs opinions surrounding magic were not as strict as Uther’s, magic was still outlawed in Camelot and practising it was still punishable by death. Merlin had thought over and over about what Arthur would do if he found out about Merlin’s magic? Would he burn him at the stake like the others? He used to believe that he could make Arthur see that magic wasn’t bad, that good could prevail from magic. Merlin felt a knot grow in his stomach, making its way up into his chest; he wasn’t sure he could make Arthur see that anymore, not sure if he himself believed it to be true.

Merlin left the room giving Gaius a nod. He headed throughout the castle towards Arthurs chambers. He paused outside the door, the usual guards were no longer there. Merlin held his head up, pushing his shoulders back as he stepped into the room.

Arthur was sat in the grand wooden chair at the head of the table, one hand resting on the arm and the other playing with a loose thread on the bottom of his shirt. Normally, Arthur would have yelled at Merlin for the loose threat, demanding it to be fixed before probably throwing the shirt in his face while Merlin teased him. Now, Arthur sat in silence, his mind clearly not in the room, his eyes glazed over in a way that told Merlin wherever Arthur was it wasn’t pleasant. Merlin stepped into the room, clearing his throat.

“Arthur,” Merlin said as he walked deeper into the room.

“What do you want Merlin?” Arthur said, his voice sounding monotone and distant, not moving from his seat.

Merlin came to stand at a chair next to Arthur, his hands resting on the top of it. “I came to see if there was anything you needed?” He asked, watching as Arthur's face didn’t move, his eyes still staring out of the window.

“If I needed something from you, I would have summoned you,” Arthur dryly said, finally turning to face Merlin, his face cold, “I didn’t” Arthur finished, turning back to look out the window.

Merlin sat down in the chair opposite Arthur, an action that would normally get him chastised but no such thing happened today. “Gaius mentioned some of the knights were about to go hunting, don’t you wish to join?” A lie, but if Merlin could just get Arthur out of his room, out of the castle then maybe he would feel better. Merlin himself could use a break from the castle walls and his own mind.

“If I wanted to, I would already be there Merlin,” Arthur said, “Now do you have any more pointless questions to ask or can I go back to what I was doing?” Arthur said through partially gritted teeth, Merlin able to see how his jaw clenched tightly when he spoke.

“And what was that exactly?” Merlin said.

There was a pause, “Thinking,” Arthur breathed.

“I thought we agreed no more dangerous activities for you,” Merlin tried to joke, expecting that to gain a reaction out of Arthur; but nothing. Merlin leaned forward, his arms folded on the table, “What are you thinking?” Merlin asked with sincerity.

Arthur didn’t say anything for a moment, just looking out the window like held all the answers in the world. Arthur finally turned around to look at Merlin, his face softening. Merlin thought he was going to speak when he stood up from the table, strolling over to the large glass window, his arms crossed over his chest.

“How can someone get something so wrong.” Arthur mummed; barley auditable. Merlin froze in his chair, he hadn’t been expecting an actual response from Arthur. Merlin couldn't help but question that himself; _had he truly got magic so wrong? Were he and everyone else who practised magic a monster?_ Merlin had spent years denying this, but with each passing year, and each passing incident and loss it was harder to ignore the questions.

Arthur turned back to face Merlin, his back leaning on the windowsill his hands gripping the ledge behind him, “What do you do when everything you knew or thought you knew turned out to be wrong,” He asked, Arthur, shook his head and looked down at the ground, his hands visibly tightening around the ledge. Merlin wished he had answers for Arthur, wished he had answers for himself. 

“This is about Gwen and Lancelot,” Merlin asked, already knowing the answer.

Arthur tensed at the names, his jaw clenching hard and the rising and falling of his chest pausing like he had halted breathing for a moment. He walked back over to the table and slumped back down into the chair, “I’m sorry,” Arthur said, looking down at the dark oak table.

Merlin pulled his brows together, “For what?” he asked, not sure he’d ever heard Arthur utter those words to him before.

“I know Lancelot was your friend, his death must have been hard,” Arthur continued, leaning back in his chair. This time it was Merlin who tensed up, clenching his fists slight. Merlin had grieved Lancelot before, when his friend had _actually_ died, what Merlin grieved now was the loss of his beliefs.

“I’m fine,” He quickly said, knowing he could never explain to Arthur his feelings without exposing himself.

Arthur raised an eyebrow, “And that’s why you haven’t left Gaius chambers for a week?” Arthur asked.

Merlin leaned back on his chair as Arthur had, “You spying on me?” He asked.

Arthur scoffed, cocking his head to the side, “You’re my manservant, it’s hardly spying Merlin” He said, his voice almost sounding normal.

Merlin gave a small laugh, more of a exhale of air but it was something. “What about you?” He asked, “When was the last time you left these chambers,” Merlin said, Arthur opened his mouth but Merin held his hand up, “And not for a meeting or court” he finished.

Arthur shut his mouth, pulling his lip into a thin line. He looked back to the window again, “It’s been a rough week Merlin,” He said, his voice sound hallow again.

Merlin felt the guilt expand in his chest, pressing hard against his lungs, “I know you're upset about Gwen but,” He paused, shaking his head a little, as Arthur looked back at him, “People make mistakes Arthur, sometimes for reasons we can’t quite understand,” Arthur furrowed his brows, clearly not understand what Merlin was trying to imply. It was right there on Merlin's tongue, it would be so easy to tell him, to watch the wave of relief wash over his face as he realised that Gwen and Lancelot hadn’t betrayed him. But then he’d asked questions; want to know how Merlin knew and then maybe the relief would be replaced with disgust and hatred and at this moment Merlin wouldn’t blame him, “It doesn’t mean she’s evil-“

Arthur scoffed, shaking his head as he leaned forward on the table, “I know that,” He said with conviction, “I don’t think she’s evil, nor do I think that of Lancelot,” He sorrowfully said, bowing his head for a moment.

Merlin tilted his head, his eye’s questioning, “You don’t?” He asked with genuine surprise. Arthur had dismissed Gwen and Lancelot to the dungeon, banishing them from Camelot. He would see how Arthur would harbour hate for the pair, even if he didn’t know it wasn’t truly them.

Arthur thought for a moment, leaning back in his chair and looking up at the roof, “I won’t pretend to understand,” He said, and Merlin could tell as he spoke he was still trying to work out how it had all gone wrong, “But no, one wrong action does not diminish years of good,” He said.

Merlin was speechless, his eyes focused on Arthur as he rolled his head to look out the window. He thought about Arthurs words, and couldn’t help but wonder about himself and magic. Magic had been around for as long as the earth had been standing, rooted within the air and ground. It wasn’t born of evil Merlin told himself, it had been taken and corrupted to use for evil. “So…so you believe that just because someth” Merlin corrected himself, “-someone has done wrong, it doesn’t mean they can’t do good,” He asked, leaning forward eagerly to hear Arthurs words as if they would fix everything that was broken.

Arthur briefly smiled, leaning closer on the table, “Take you, Merlin,” He said, standing up and walking around to the back of his chair, his hands resting on the top of it, “You’re normally incompetent but occasionally, very rarely you could be described as wise,” he said, the smile growing a little.

Merlin laughed, and this time it was a real laugh. “So, you’re saying that maybe people aren’t good or bad their-“

“Maybe they’re just people,” Arthur sighed, “Who are capable of both good and bad.” Merlin thought it over, it had been what he always said about magic, _about himself,_

“I don’t believe that someone is born purely one or the other,” Arthur declared. Merlin himself had also believed that. Uther had always professed that anyone born of Magic was born of evil and could do no good. Merlin had always fought this idea, but over the years his belief that magic users could be good had been chipped away; first by Morgana, then Nimueh, Morgause, then by the prophecy that Mordred would kill Arthur. All magic users both of the old and new religion that had turned their back on the light, who used their gift for destruction and evil. But people like Freya, his father, and Gaius and he was pulled back from the edge of believing all magic holders and users were evil.

“Even those born of magic?” Merlin found himself asking, unable to stop the question before it spilt over his lips, Arthur raised his head to Merlin, the frown clear to see, “Like Morgana?” Merlin clarified so the question didn’t seem too out of place.

Arthur walked around his room for a moment, his hands placed on his hips. Arthur came to standby his desk, leaning against it with his ankles crossed. He let out a morose sigh, “Even her,” He quietly said. They didn’t talk about Morgana much besides their plan to stop her, but Merlin knew he betray had cut Arthur deep. Merlin stood up from his seat, walking over to where Arthur had stood, Arthur clicked his tongue, “Or anyone born of magic,” he said. Merlin felt as if the ground beneath him has shifted, his legs coming to a complete stop. “Morgana wasn’t born evil or destined for darkness.” He said, shaking his head as he looked down at his shoes, “She was corrupted,” Arthur said, the anger in his voice clear, and pushed himself off the table slightly.

The ground beneath him steadied again; _Of course, Arthur blamed magic,_ that was just how the world worked, and maybe it was right to work that way, “By magic?” Merlin said, finishing Arthurs thought.

“By hatred,” Arthur corrected, he turned from Merlin as if he was unable to look at him as he spoke, “Uther’s hatred and disgust of her powers turned her into this,” Merlin swallowed hard, not quite comprehending what he was hearing, “Not magic,” He sighed.

Gaius had told Merlin almost the same things, and Merlin had told it to himself but to hear Arthur say it. To hear him say that magic was not inherently evil, that those who possessed it were not monsters. Merlin swallowed again, a lump forming in his throat, blinking rapidly to clear the tears that had suffered in his eyes, “So, what you’re saying is that peoples actions defy them, not how or who they are born,” Merlin asked, taking a few steps closer as if everything the was and everything that could be hinged on the answer.

Arthur turned around, his eyes scanning Merlin’s face like he sensed the importance’s of his answer. He strolled forward towards Merlin, stopping just short of him, placing a hand on his shoulder, “We make our own destiny,” Arthur asserted, giving Merlin’s shoulder a slight squeeze before walking to another location in the room that Merlin couldn’t see as he stood frozen on his spot.

 _We make our own destiny,_ the words repeated in his mind like a song. He had been told by so many that his destiny was not his own, that he had a fate that was chosen and was locked in place. And maybe that was right, maybe Merlin’s fate was decided but that didn’t define who he was. Merlin looked down at his hands and for the first time in a while, he didn’t see the death and destruction they had caused, but instead he saw all the times he’d helped save someone, all the times he’d protected Camelot and the once and future king.

Morgana had done twisted and evil things, and although he would never admit it he was sure she was past saving. But it wasn’t magic that had done this to her, there wasn’t a deep-rooted evil that had been locked away inside her ready to explode at any moment. It had been years of oppression she had witnessed, years of being taught to hate herself and the power she possessed. Merlin realised how’d close he’d come to that line, of hating the power he held, and maybe if Uther was still king, Merlin would snap as she did. However, Uther was gone, and in his seat sat Arthur. Merlin smiled to himself, his dream of a Camelot where Magic was no longer outlawed always seemed impossible, unreachable, but after his conversation with Arthur, it seemed a little closer.

Merlin smiled and turned around to see Arthur looking in his cupboard. “So, I guess by that logic my incompetence doesn’t define me,” Merlin joked, walking over to the young king.

Arthur gave a snort, “You’re the exception to the rule Merlin,” He said, not turning around to look at him, but Merlin could see the smile on his face. “Here,” Arthur called, throwing some armour at Merlin who by some miracle managed to catch it, “Buff and shine this, and fetch my weapons,” He ordered, walking around the room with his head high.

“For what exactly may I ask?” Merlin called, his head just poking up above the armour.

Arthur paused, his hands on his hips, lips pursed, “I think it’s time to go outside,” He smiled. Merlin turned and went to walk out of the room to fetch his equipment when Arthur called him, “One more thing Merlin,” He said, walking over to his servant, stopping in front of him.

Merlin felt the hand collide with the back of his head, a small slap that was more of an inconvenience than something that hurt. Arthur pointed his finger at Merlin before Merlin could ask what he’d done to deserve that, “Thinking is not a dangerous activity for me,” He scolded, making Merlin smile from ear to ear as he remembered what he had said earlier, “I am your king and could have you executed for such words,” Arthur said, trying to sound serious but failing.

“I think we both know you won’t,” Merlin laughed, and if he didn’t know better he could have sworn he saw a small twitch of a smile on his Arthur's face, one that possibly meant _no I won’t._ Arthur just shook his head, walking away from Merlin, Merlin was almost at the door when Arthur spoke again, “Remember when I said there were rare occasions where I would describe you as wise,” He said, his voice quieter this time.

“Yes?” Merlin asked, an unsure smile on his face.

Arthur turned from his spot, a sincere and honest smile on his face, giving Merlin a small nod. Arthur didn’t have to say it, Merlin understood _today was one of those times,_ their ability to communicate without words only growing stronger throughout the year. Merlin smiled and nodded back, finally exiting the room. He heard Arthur bark some commands from the room, trying to deflect from his subtle yet genuine compliment. Merlin just smiled as he walked back into Gaius chamber, the old man still sat at his desk reading. He dumped the amour onto a table.

Merlin wasn’t sure what his destiny held, or even what the destiny of magic would be. But what he did know, what he was certain of was the old magic that ran through Merlin’s body was not evil, was not sinful and destined to corrupt him. He was not a monster, nor was his magic, he was free to choose how he used it and he chooses it to help, to heal, to support the once and future king of Camelot so one day, magic could return to the land and those who practised it no longer had to hide but could be free to be who they were; free to choose their own destiny.

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU for reading, if you guys have any more Merthur prompts then let me know! here or on my tumblr - alexmaanes
> 
> -AJ


End file.
